Night Owl

Took a walk on the wild side and stayed up until 11pm last night. I might could have even made it later, but I got bored after Michelle fell asleep and left me with no one to talk to.

I'm drinking Hazelnut coffee. Michelle doesn't do flavors, preferring just plain, strong, espresso, but Publix had it on sale and I scored a bag. Yay me!

We spent yesterday afternoon tinkering with my sister's new internet setup, unsuccessfully. Had a nice dinner after that, with a few margaritas thrown in. After that, picked up the boy child, and came home and watched, "The Final Destination."

I won't recommend it, unless you dearly loved the other ones. It's the same story, just different scenarios. Nothing to write home about for sure.

I'm supposed to go today to buy nicotine patches. That's right, I'm going to quit. Or try to. I put the online Magic 8 Ball to the test and asked it if I would be successful. Reply, "Not Likely." I'll show you Magic 8 Ball!



The scum walks a prior viewer.

Where Am I?

I am stupidly tired. Ignore any and all grammatical and typing errors.

Judd (the male cat) has been injured. Not surprising since he is an indoor/outdoor cat. He back leg is swollen. No clue what happened.

Too bad he likes being outside so much. Otherwise, he could live the life of luxury that Nancy the Wonder Cat lives...climbing curtains, partaking in catnip laced scratching posts, napping in Mrs. Leslie's lap for hours at a time.

Should I even bother to say that I am thrilled it's Friday? I think by now people realize that's a given.

We are about to watch "Pandorum" and I hope it doesn't suck. Sci-fi isn't my top choice, but this one has somewhat of a horror twist, so I suspect it won't be all bad.

I'm going to try for a fast food run, but am pretty sure I will come up against the, "there is plenty of food here" defense. Must she always be so damn logical? It's hard to argue with someone who makes good sense. That said, I can catch her in weak moments and capitalize. The words, "Burger King" and "Krispy Kreme" are very powerful.

Better stop blogging and start plotting my strategy.

Monday, You Jerk

Did I hate Monday's this much when I didn't have weekends off? No, I don't believe I did. Don't get me wrong. I am thankful to have a regular work schedule, but Monday has become my enemy because of it.

Reasons to hate Monday:

1) My task list is much longer on Monday.

2) Co-workers are in a foul mood because they realize, like me, that they are locked in for five more days.

3) I sleep in on Saturday and Sunday, forcing me to stay up late Sunday night and not get enough sleep. Super tired all day Monday.

4) People who get on my nerves, who weren't in my face during the weekend, suddenly re-appear on Monday.

5) Monday costs me part of my Sunday by throwing me into a "Crap, tomorrow's Monday" depression.

6) People like to call in sick on Monday, leaving people like me who don't do it, to pick up their slack.


I could go on and on, but I hear Monday crying over there in the corner. Monday, maybe, just maybe I will like you again some day. But for now, I think you are a jerk.

Quick to Judge

Maybe I was a tad too harsh on the turkey in yesterday's blog post. Maybe I felt guilty for knocking it and that was the reason I made a turkey meatloaf yesterday afternoon.

Those of you not familiar with turkey meatloaf, it looks just like regular meatloaf, just with a little less grease.



No, this isn't MY meatloaf. Mine was made in a circular Corningware dish, but you get the idea.

I won't say it's as good as the beef variety, but it was decent as far as healthy alternatives go.

Today, I rewarded myself for that turkey by having way too much white spinach pizza, and Valentine heart doughnuts. Before the junk can even settle, "The 650 Pound Man" comes on NatGeo channel. Great, they are showing him naked (privates covered of course). I should turn the channel before I puke, but I probably will watch it as penance.

Back to work tomorrow. WHY MUST THE WEEKEND GO BY SO FAST?!?!

P.U.

I'm trying to eat some Weight Watchers Strawberry Banana yogurt, but it has a chemical aftertaste so I'm about it ditch it.

I tried to eat a turkey burger for dinner last night, but it smelled funny, so after one bite I pushed the plate away.

I'm seeing a pattern develop here, and it doesn't paint a pretty picture. Most (not all) healthy choices are not tasty. If you try to make them tasty (add cheese, sugar, etc) then they become unhealthy.

Depressing.

And I still want that milkshake.

Words of Wisdom

Just a quick one to tell those of you with a twisted sense of humor, and those of you NOT easily offended by cursing and all things crude, about a hilarious guy on Twitter.

This guy: $#@% My Dad Says

These damn tweets had me laughing like a fool.

Nuggets of wisdom like:

"Pressure? Get married when you want. Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants."

"I just want silence. Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more."

"Everybody's broke, so here's the rule for Christmas this year; if you still **** your pants, you get a present. Otherwise tough ****."

"A mule kicked Uncle Bob once. Broke his ribs. He punched it in the face.. My point? You have an ingrown ****ing toenail. Stop bitching."

Forward

I usually delete forwarded messages, unless they are from someone that I know would send me something funny, and not something ignorant. My friend Joy is one of those people.

Her last email, "Weird Family Photos" had two pics that kept me laughing for a while, so I thought I would share them.



Nothing needs to be said about this one. Wait, hell yes it does! Is that a bayonette? What is in her other hand, ammo? Nice scope. Does she realize how butch she looks?

She gets the bayonette, he gets a parrot? He looks gay too. IF they are straight, they should have switched up.

And what's with the sunglasses? Have they just pulled off the Great Parrot Heist of 1970? Take a good look kids, it's the great grandchildren of Bonnie and Clyde.


This next one had personal meaning because it reminded me of a horrible story my mother used to tell about being a child and waking up on Easter morning to the site of a horrendous, demented Easter Bunny staring at her from her bedroom doorway. Story goes, she hid under the covers hoping it would leave, but when she peeked out it was still there. She ducked under again, called for her Mother, and when her Mom showed up it was gone. She went into great detail about the mean eyes and razor sharp teeth it had. Clearly, she was smoking crack, but she won't admit to it, and holds to her story.

This story used to scare the bejezzus out of me, and because of that fact I have never forgotten it. So imagine my surprise when I saw this:



Holy *$#^, it DOES EXIST!

The caption was the best though. "Holy easter! .. And there is a suspicious looking foot in the bottom left corner, did he eat that kid earlier???!!"

I'm still laughing at that foot.

Joy, if you didn't send that email to Mother please let me know so I can send it and see if this bunny was the perpetrator!!!

Krispy Kreme Milkshake

I'm trying hard to convince Mrs. Leslie to throw caution and artery health to the wind, and go to a place called Flip Burger Boutique to try this:



Behold, the Krispy Kreme Milkshake.

I searched for a review from someone that had tried what I assume to be the mother of all milkshakes, and found this on needcoffee.com:

"I asked about this Krispy Kreme milkshake because I am fascinated by things that would be considered an affront to both God and man. And the waitress told me it was two Krispy Kreme doughnuts stuck in a blender with the makings of a vanilla milkshake.

And if you want to know what it tastes like, well, I bet you're imagining it now. Unless for some reason you've never had a Krispy Kreme doughnut. In which case, let me help you out. Eating a Krispy Kreme doughnut is to sugar and fat equivalent what drinking coffee is to caffeine for me. In other words, the bit of flour involved in shaping the sugar and fat into a round shape with a hole in it is just there to deliver said fat and sugar into your body. And when you eat one, it's like having your mouth and throat coated with a frictionless layer of sugar. And God help you if you have no milk around.

In other words, it's up there towards the apex of guilty snacks. So dump two of those into a vanilla milkshake so that when you drink it through a straw you're ingesting small bit of pure sugar and fat...and yeah. So of course, I ordered this. And I did not finish it. Because it is pretty much impossible (or very very inadvisable at least) to do more than sip this thing. Because the sugar rush is...formidable, shall we say. And you're talking to a guy who has consumed stimulants for years and years. And this thing was almost frightening in its power to pry my eyelids open.

In the end, even with a to-go cup, I didn't finish it. Because while I am insane, I'm not crazy."

Sounds just like the type of challenge I live for.

Want one? You'll need to be in Birmingham or Atlanta, as those are the only two locations. No worries though, once I get my hands on one I'll let you know if it's worth the price of gas money...or a plane ticket. Assuming, of course, that I don't slip into a sugar coma.

Might be a while though, since Mrs. Leslie is all about the vegetables right now. I'll wear her down eventually. If you are in town, head over to 280 (The Summit) and get one of these. Maybe a good review would sway her. As if the name alone isn't enough to sell it...sheesh!

Thanks, MLK

Three day weekends rock.

There won't be another one until Easter, so we better enjoy it!

The kitchen floor is STILL a work in progress. Mrs. Leslie is a perfectionist. Yes, this is a good thing when it comes to final product, but doesn't bode well for getting it done quickly. If I were doing it, it would have been done last weekend, but would have looked like crap.

I have some house remodel jobs to do myself. (Didn't think I was going to make her do EVERYTHING did you?) I found a little tool online that will help keep me on task:



I don't know what to do with myself now that football is over. Look forward to Spring I suppose. The severe cold snap has passed, but still plenty more Winter left to go. Warm hands and feet, and lower utility bills will be a good thing.

I've got a whole lot of nothing left to do, so I really should get started. Adios.

My Face Hurts...

...from smiling for two days.

In case you didn't know, my Crimson Tide are National Champions!

The final score:



The entire season was just way more than I could ever ask for, and I won't forget it even if I live to be a hundred, and have a wicked case of Alzheimers.

Our plan for this weekend is simple: finish the kitchen floor tile, watch movies, play Guitar Hero and Rock Band (me, not the Mrs. on that one). Not much else, as it is too damn cold to go outside. It's supposed to warm up next week, thankfully.

The healthy eating resolution is still going well, but I will admit to a beer and junk food breakdown on game night. But hey, it's not every day your team wins the title. Celebration was in order. ROLL TIDE!

Hug A Probiotic

I'm not going to lie. In high school I used to roll french fries up in my square slice of pizza and it eat. Damn tasty! I also enjoyed putting fries on my chicken sandwich. This was not only yummy, but saved time as I didn't have to eat the items separately. I could then use the extra time to groom my mullet, or make sure the peg in my jeans was rolled tight enough to stick, yet allow some circulation to my legs. Ah, good times.

Now that I'm older, don't have a mullet, and wear boot cut jeans, I have more time to think about what I eat. Since eating is a must, (unless you are Kate Moss) it leaves A LOT to think about. The information available is overwhelming, so I'm trying to process it in small doses.

Today I read about Kefir vs. Yogurt. I had never heard of it until Mrs. Leslie arrived. I went to work, she went shopping, I came home and was handed a glass and told, "drink it, it's good for you." Those words alone made me think I would hate it, and I wasn't a huge fan at first, but it grew on me. Now I actually like it. Oh, and if you care, kefir wins the nutritional battle over yogurt:

"Both kefir and yogurt are cultured milk products...

...but they contain different types of beneficial bacteria. Yogurt contains transient beneficial bacteria that keep the digestive system clean and provide food for the friendly bacteria that reside there. But kefir can actually colonize the intestinal tract, a feat that yogurt cannot match.

Kefir contains several major strains of friendly bacteria not commonly found in yogurt, Lactobacillus Caucasus, Leuconostoc, Acetobacter species, and Streptococcus species.

It also contains beneficial yeasts, such as Saccharomyces kefir and Torula kefir, which dominate, control and eliminate destructive pathogenic yeasts in the body. They do so by penetrating the mucosal lining where unhealthy yeast and bacteria reside, forming a virtual SWAT team that housecleans and strengthens the intestines. Hence, the body becomes more efficient in resisting such pathogens as E. coli and intestinal parasites.

Kefir's active yeast and bacteria provide more nutritive value than yogurt by helping digest the foods that you eat and by keeping the colon environment clean and healthy.

Because the curd size of kefir is smaller than yogurt, it is also easier to digest, which makes it a particularly excellent, nutritious food for babies, the elderly and people experiencing chronic fatigue and digestive disorders."


Still with me? No, I didn't think so. That's ok, Lactobacillus Caucasus, Leuconostoc, Acetobacter, and Streptococcus will be your friends anyway.

Winter Sucks

I used to really like winter. Scratch that. I used to LOVE winter.

I was that crazy idiot you would see out on a 30 degree day wearing shorts, t-shirt, sandals, and think, "What a crazy idiot!" It didn't faze me though. I was always hot back then. Maybe it was because I was always sporting my "winter coat" (100 extra pounds of blubber). But then all that changed. I took off the "winter coat" and suddenly realized, "DAMN, I'M COLD."

Since then, I am chilled to the bone during the entire winter. Hands and feet so cold I can barely use them. Nose like an icicle. It's torture I tell you.

If you think living in the South gets you a free pass to not live through cold winters you are wrong. Even worse, every few years we get a bad one. This year is shaping up to be just that.

Imagine my dismay when I saw the 7 day forecast for this week:



What the??? Is that the dreaded "S" word for Friday? Are those lows really THAT LOW? Were our pipes really frozen when we woke up this morning? Nah, it's all a bad dream. Wake up, Leslie! WAKE UP!!!

Happy New Year

I wish I could say we whooped it up last night, but after getting up at the ass crack of dawn to go to work yesterday, it just wasn't in the cards. I did wake up long enough to realize it was midnight when the neighbors started shooting loud fireworks, but that was about it.

Today I am watching the bowl games, and Michelle is working on new kitchen floor tile. I'm positive I got the better end of the deal.

My New Year's resolution list is short: Eat healthier.

Short list, tall order. I eat too much junk. Way too much. Since I don't want to wind up looking like I did a few years back, I have to make some changes. So more fruits, vegetables, yogurt, and whole grains. Less Coke Zero, more water. I'm hoping these changes will produce more energy. Eating the way I do now leaves me SO TIRED, and I hate it.


We finally watched the movie, Paranormal Activity, that I talked about in a previous blog. The scary scenes are good and scary, but the rest of the couple filming each other makes you want to kick kittens. Since there are plenty of scares, I would recommend it.