What You Should Know

If you are extremely drunk and swear you will never drink too much again, you will forget this when you are sober.

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." If you don't understand this, try putting up your own blog.

You'd better get all your sex here on earth because there won't be any in heaven.

You should not confuse your career with your life. Or, work to life not live to work ... but if you can't follow this, email me your ladies phone number and I'll keep her occupied while you are busy.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. We all need something to laugh about...

The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. Next would be women's talk shows...

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. Even if you don't follow it, you'll be back in sync with everybody eventually.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails).

Your friends love you anyway. But if you have none, I will be your friend for a small phenomenal fee.