If You Can Read This...You're Too Close!

One of the worst things about buying a new car is the extra things you have to do like changing your insurance, and going to the court house to transfer your tag. The tag part is especially painful if you live in Alabama, where there are about two employees for every hundred people waiting in line.

I procrastinated as long as I could, but since I had already arranged to take today off work I had to bite the bullet and get it over with. I knew I was in trouble the moment I pulled up and saw all the cars. Several blocks later, I was able to park and walk in the pouring down rain to bowels of hell.

Once I made it past security I started sizing up the line, one that went all the way down one hallway, and curved into another. 99% of the people in line looked like they were in the wrong place, and should have been in the county jail down the street instead. It's ALWAYS like that. Where do these people come from?

Somberly, I took my place in line behind a man that would have been in the 1% normal percentage, but seemed to have ants in his pants. You know the type - HATES to wait in line, and thinks acting like he needs to be somewhere more important is going to speed things along.

By this point I am really starting to feel my agitation level rise. And just when I think it won't get any worse...here she comes...the old lady from hell.

Honestly, I have a soft spot for the elderly, and when I first saw her I didn't think much of it. But then she took her spot behind me, or more specifically, ON TOP of me. Seriously, I could feel her coat on my back. This is NOT OK WITH ME.

Immediately my nostrils were penetrated with the smell of socks that have been worn for weeks, even months, without being washed. I'm trying not to breathe, fighting the urge the vomit, and praying that no one will think the smell is coming from me since it would have been hard to tell the two of us apart with her riding piggy back on me.

While all of these thoughts are running through my head, she decides to speak to me, or think out loud. "I have more aches and pains this morning than a doctor has pills." I prefer to think she was thinking aloud, because I didn't respond. Did that stop her? Hell no.

An on and on it goes for two hours. I take a step, she gets right back on me. I'm getting dizzy from the purposeful lack of oxygen. She continues her break down of each ailment despite the fact that I am clearly unwilling to play the game.

Just when every shred of my patience is exhausted, I hear those magic words, "Next"!

She is called soon after, steps up to the counter next to mine, and I overhear the employee telling her that she did not bring every document needed, and will have to come back at another time.

I paused to say a little prayer of thanks that I would not be her next victim, hurried out the door into the rain filled fresh air, took a deep breath, then patted myself on the back for surviving.

Where in the World

I last blogged on October 25th.

WTH happened?

A) Took time off to film my very own episode of Intervention in which I held strong and DID NOT get on the plane.

B) All of my fingers were broken during a drunken round of "Rock, Paper, Scissors" that got wayyyyy out of hand.

C) We won the lottery and have been vacationing in the South of France.


Ok, ok - none of the above. Just busy. Lame, but true.

So let me get back into things by giving a simple run down (in no particular order)...

*Nancy the cat is having what we like to call "nocturnal episodes". The Christmas trees are not amused or immune.

*Thanksgiving was the bomb. Only one round of leftovers to go. Maybe I will freeze the rest of my Mother's dressing and eat it during the Summer.

*Alabama finished the season undefeated by beating Auburn. 12-0 record...headed to Atlanta next week for the SEC championship against #1 Florida.

*My fantasy football team continued to stink despite all my screaming, crying, and praying to the football gods.

*I turned 39, and am counting the seconds down to the big 4-0.

*Mrs. Leslie is fine, and still thinks I am the cat's meow even though she has to return to work tomorrow and I do not.


Goodbye, and Roll Tide.